"HOLA. I am Jennifer Lopez. You might remember me from EVERYTHING EVER, porque I am the QUEEN of TODO EL MUNDO and you are some tiny little vampire child who wears old-lady bras:
You think you know vampires? You don't know vampires until you have used garlic shampoo because you have a headache and you are really not in the mood tonight so would you please stop looking at my ass like it is a steak Marc DIOS MIO. And you think you can defeat me in Fug Madness by wearing mama's corset with a skirt from Limited Too? THINK AGAIN, TONTA! Because while your outfit is terrible, my outfit is THIS:
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