Fug or Fab: Chloe Sevigny

 

I am really sad I didn't get to go to Proenza Schouler this year, because look who was there!



Also, I love Proenza but whatever: THE SEV. Wearing...a dress/shirt that I thought had a bow tie built in, but I now see it merely boasts just a SUGGESTION of bow tie, to go with its suggestion of being a tuxedo shirt/dress. I must confess, that realization makes me like this better. But I've already been typing this, and ergo, I will put it to a poll. Also, it's honestly probably for the best that I'm not in the same room as the Sev. I have such conflicting emotions about her: she dresses crazy! But I kind of enjoy the crazy! And she's such a good actress! But remember that time she had the crazy Art Garfunkel hair? But that was kind of hilarious in retrospect. I am so confused. 

Fug Madness 2010, Round Two: Madonna Bracket

 

(3) CHLOE SEVIGNY v. (6) MADONNA

This picture doesn't count for Fug Madness: it's from last year, for one thing, and for another, that bikini is a classic.  I just could not resist using it:



Hee. I laugh every time I see that expression on her face. Bless you, Chloe. You crack me up.

Enough friendliness! Let's get into the meat of this:

Fug Love

Chloe, Chloe, Chloe. You've had a quite a few weeks.



There was that whole kerfuffle where you told an interviewer from The AV Club that this past season of Big Love was awful and then turned around and said that quote was taken out of context, despite the fact that it seems rather impossible for it to have been, judging from the transcript. I mean, how is it possible to misconstrue, "it was awful?" Unless the actual quote was, "it was awful...ly GOOD!"

Anyway, this past season of Big Love WAS awful, so I think you meant to note not that your quote was taken out of context, but rather that you regret speaking so frankly about your employers. (That being said, I do thank HBO for giving us the scene in which Chloe's character shows up wearing a crimped side ponytail. It's a moment where Nikki is trying to become the person she always wanted to be, were she not a polygamist, and I took that to mean that Nikki always wanted to be Chloe Sevigny. It was pretty awesome -- as, frankly, was her acting, as usual.)

HOWEVER. This whole thing was probably a PR misstep on your part. And I worry that this outfit is likewise a misstep. First of all, those open-toed clodhoppers and sheer-ish black trouser socks hurt my feelings. Second, I'm confused:

The Last Fugs of Disco

The Last Fugs of Disco

Celebrities should reconsider ever wearing black jumpsuits -- for the obvious reason, and also then because it makes it harder for us to distinguish a jumpsuit from, say, a shirt and pants, which leads to a lot of staring and furrowing at people's crotches, and it's just not NICE to subject your groin to that kind of criticism, because what has it ever done but be there for you when you need it, huh?!?

On the plus side, I've just cast Chloe Sevigny in my imaginary new show about rival actresses who dabble in competitive cat burglary on the side. It's called Meow, and I want Rachel Bilson and Donald Faison and a couple people from my favorite ex-ABC Family show The Middleman to be in it also, reporting to a Big Kahuna who is none other than Joan Collins. Sounds budgetarily doable, right? It's on my To-Do list right behind "invent a perpetual Diet Coke fountain" and "foster world peace by finally granting Jon Hamm, Josh Jackson, KANYE WEST, and Neil Patrick Harris their lifelong dreams of GF HQ internships." So, yay, it's only number three on the agenda! Progress!

Met Ball Fug or Fab: Chloe Sevigny

So, obviously, this is a bit wacky, but what did we expect, considering the source?



Considering this year's theme of American Woman Yadda Yadda Blahtey Blah -- or whatever it was -- I'm sort of surprised that Chloe didn't take a page from Maggie Gyllenhaal's book and go full-on costume. I mean, she could have just worn one of her more fundamentally Mormon-y outfits from Big Love. If they're letting her back on the set after she made that comment a couple of months ago about how it's a telenovela now. (Honestly, I love a good telenovela. Calm down, HBO!) Instead, it's kind of like she just riffled through her closet and picked out any old thing.

Chloe Fugigny

[Photo: Splash News]

CHLOE: Hi, Gin.

GINNIFER: Hi, Chloe.

CHLOE: You forgot the umlaut. 

GINNIFER: Yeah, I did.

CHLOE: Okay. Anyway, I just thought I'd stop by and check on my sister-wife. How's Something Borrowed going?

GINNIFER: They've got me in this weird wig -- like, it's ALMOST like my regular hair, but it kinda sits a little too high, so that's disappointing. And I think they borrowed this dress from the Big Love people.

CHLOE: That's too bad. Well, as you can see, everything is normal with me. Clogs, high-waisted pants with inexplicable suspenders, and a "Cramps" t-shirt, because I'm super alternative.

GINNIFER: Is THAT what that says? I thought it said, "Ramps."

CHLOE: Like, skateboard ramps? Off-ramps?

GINNIFER: No, like the onion-like vegetable. 

CHLOE: HA! That would be ridiculous!

GINNIFER: Says the girl in clogs and high-waisted pants with inexplicable suspenders. 

CHLOE: Says the girl in the wig that's sitting a little too high.

GINNIFER: Do we even like each other?

CHLOE: I'm not sure.

Emmy Awards Post-Party Fug: Chloe Sevigny

 

Listen, Emmy people: Always nominate Chloe Sevigny. You want her on your red carpet in something long and froofy and wackadoo, not just at the post-parties in a tiny minidress that shows off her exceptional legs and makes my eyes cross:

Leopard print is fine by me; the reason I can't sign off on this is that it's hypnotizing me. Seriously, join me in staring at her midsection. Do you see that? How the sheen and the shadow make it look bulgy, like she's sneaking a standard-size bed pillow into the party under her dress? What is happening? Is this like one of those old Magic Eye posters? I hope that by staring at this for ten more minutes, Vincent Gallo will appear with a handful of beard clippings and a bar of soap. Because frankly, I'll probably get caught staring at it for ten more minutes anyway, and I'd at least like to get a laugh or a mighty shriek out of it.