Fug or Fab: Kristen Bell

 

Kristen Bell just trotted out something fresh from Marchesa's Spring 2010 presentation, and it's got me a tad indecisive.



Pro: It doesn't make her look stumpy.

Con: It does make her look bandaged.

Pro: It's intricate!

Con: It looks like it's a magician's assistant who accidentally swallowed the magic scarf and just sneezed it to freedom.

Pro: I love the restrained styling everywhere else.

Con: I don't have her shoulders.

Pro: I could maybe get her shoulders if I exercised more.

Con: That's so not happening.

Pro: Oh, really? You can't find ten minutes at night to do some push-ups or something before bed?

Con: Shut up.

Fug The Cover: Kristen Bell

 

So, between Forgetting Sarah Marshall and her recent Q&A thing with Entertainment Weekly, I have decided I totally like Kristen Bell. I mean, the girl admitted to watching Tool Academy. Anyone who shares my obsession with that show -- which yielded a contestant who called himself Matsuflex; the quote, "You may be dead but what's in my pants is very much alive"; eliminates people by saying, "I'm sorry, you're just a tool"; inspires the contestants to get rabid about protecting the integrity of the academy (seriously); and features them coping with anger by tearing off their shirts -- rates highly in my book.

As does this dress:



I know it's kind of busy, and I know that I can't completely tell what the pattern is because I'm squinting at my laptop screen due to the fact that I'm forced to work at a Coffee Bean that appears to be located on the surface of the sun. The skirt, through my near-closed eyes, reminds me a bit of very cold bumblebees being squashed, although maybe that's just me projecting my dislike of bees. Yes, I've heard they have secret lives, but they also want to violate my flesh, which is NOT OKAY.

Anyway: Regardless of all that, I think this is cute on her. Much more befitting of a girl who seemed, in that EW questionnaire, like she might be fun to hang out with, or whose DVR list at least might resemble mine. Which means that if she walks in here to order a pumpkin ice-blended in five minutes, I can walk up to her and be all, "Dude, what is UP with Hillbilly Tool wanting to use his prize money to buy 200 trailers?!?" and she'll go, "I KNOW, and I totally miss Matsuflex and that other tool whose girlfriend that brought him to the academy got ousted in favor of his ACTUAL girlfriend of six years that she didn't know existed, and who at the reunion show had a THIRD girlfriend who was pregnant!" Sigh. Good times.

Unlike this cover:

American Music Awards Fug or Fab Carpet: Kristen Bell

 

When I first saw Kristen Bell here, I thought, "Oh, K. Bell looks cute. That fabric reminds me of my Crystal Barbie."

Don't believe me? BEHOLD:

That ad, of course, then reminded me that I also owned that particular Ken doll, and one summer he was tragically thrown down the elevator shaft of my Malibu Dream House, after Crystal Barbie discovered he'd been cavorting with Tracy (of Todd and Tracy; she was distraught after Todd's internal rubber band mechanism broke at their wedding reception, severing the connection between his upper and lower halves, and making him a paraplegic held together with duct tape). My Barbies led lives not dissimilar to those on General Hospital, though sadly devoid of any James Franco dolls to play the role of murderer/graffiti artist. But, anyhoodle, K Bell's dress sent me merrily down memory lane for a moment. UNTIL:

Continue reading American Music Awards Fug or Fab Carpet: Kristen Bell.

Fug In Rome

 

Question: What do you get when you cross a leotard with a toga and a curtain tie?

Answer: Kristen Bell getting ready to join the Polyphonic Spree. Who, now that I see them again, really must be kicking themselves for not inventing the Snuggie first.

Grammy Awards Fug Carpet: Kristen Bell

 

Kristen Bell looks as though she'd rather be left alone to celebrate her engagement to Dax Shepard in peace.

 

Instead, the When In Rome people apparently slapped a harness on her and dragged her to the Grammys to keep talking about that movie. When will this suffering END?

Well Played...ish: Kristen Bell

 

I started this out as a Well Played, and then I sort of talked myself out of it, and then I talked myself back into it and then I just decided to throw it open to all y'all:



I love the color; I think the cut is flattering on her. I think the shiny aspect is kind of fun. In fact, I think the dress itself is great, if not EARTH-SHATTERINGLY WOWZA (that's a technical term). She looks really pretty. It's her shoes, you guys. I am honestly torn on them. I don't mind a simple shoe -- and it's kind of a relief not to see her wearing a pair of crazy giant cages attached to an enormous platform, with, like, vines coming up her legs -- but these just seem kind of weirdly bland in a matronly way. The dress isn't very complex, so I feel like she could have gotten away with something that had a little more visual interest on her foot. In further technical fashion terms, because her torso is living in Classic Town, she could easily have taken her feet on a trip to Crazyville, so as to avoid sending us all into Comas on the Hudson. Right? But now that I've worked through this with all y'all -- thanks for indulging that -- I'm giving her the thumbs up. Remember when girlfriend used to go out all the time wearing stuff that made her look two-feet tall? Our little girl is all growed up. It makes me happy.

Well Played, Kristen Bell

 

I rather like this. It's the sort of thing I could see Diane Kruger wearing, except a bit shorter and with fiercer shoes:

Now if only Kristen here could come up with a career move that's as interesting as her wardrobe. Forgetting Sarah Marshall was a good start, although she wasn't exactly the highlight (but nor was she a lowlight). When In Rome, though? No. I think K.Bell, like Jennifer Aniston, is a TV actress. And there is no shame in that. Episodic TV is, in a lot of ways for me, more satisfying to watch than a feature film because the challenges are so great -- you have to sustain characters for an indefinite, or at least LONG, period of time, rather than just two hours. Both Kristen and Jen have been really good on the tube (Kristen was even a bright light on Heroes, and that says a LOT, because that show stank when she was on it), and there are a lot of interesting projects being bandied about there, so why not pick something awesome on the small screen instead of something execrable and half-assed that just happens to be on a larger one? Unless you WANT people to be all, "We have the script for something execrable and half-assed that just SCREAMS Kristen Bell," in which case, When In Rome counts as a raging success and I am thrilled to see what rom-com with a middling romantic lead she comes up with next. Thank God her closet appears to be in order.

Met Ball Well Played: Kristen Bell

 

When I first say this, I was like, "Hmmm, K. Bell. I don't know." But the more I've let it percolate, the more I like it -- much like my morning coffee:



It's texturally interesting without being totally crazeballs -- kind of like the good version of the concept behind Riley Keough's dress -- and while, yes, it does look SLIGHTLY like it's made out of strips of newspaper, don't we all want to continue to support print media? Plus, there's something about it that makes me want to touch it. So I approve. FOR NOW, K BELL. FOR NOW.

Well Played, Kristen Bell/Fugging Sarah Marshall

 

All right, I'm kind of "meh" on the shoes.

But the dress is fun. Kind of like the giant tank sitting behind her (she's at the A-Team premiere). And it's really summery, which would also be like the giant tank sitting behind her, if "tank" were short for "tank top." Actually, I might be more inclined to go see The A-Team if somebody decorated the premiere with larger-than-life tank tops, because I would assume it had something to do with the movie and would want to start laying bets with my friends on whether B.A. and company end up busting up a terrorism ring that involves the two-for-one sales at Old Navy.

Anyway, K.Bell here did a bang-up job here trying to make us all forget the last thing she wore in public. But we here at GFY are elephants:

Continue reading Well Played, Kristen Bell/Fugging Sarah Marshall.

Project Fugway

Kristen Bell guest-judged Project Runway the other day, and she said of herself that she thinks her style has a real punk aspect. She may have implied that she is, in fact, predominantly edgy.

Oh really? 

That is about as edgy as a slice of bologna. Seriously, if there is an empty meadow anywhere in the world, the laws of the universe dictate that a girl in this very dress be beamed there to skip through it while twirling a daisy in her fingers (and, possibly, thinking about the side effects of herpes medication).

More importantly, this dress is the opposite of everything she claimed to be on Project Runway. Which is fascinating to me in light of the part of that same episode where the eventual winning design (!) was being discussed slavishly (!!) and with deep reverence (!!!). Want to see it?

Continue reading Project Fugway.