Who Fugged It More: Zoe Saldana or Chloe Sevigny

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You know what's embarrassing?

Going out without remembering to button your top.

You know what's even MORE embarrassing?
Continue reading Who Fugged It More: Zoe Saldana or Chloe Sevigny.

Fug or Fab: Zoe Saldana

At first blush, I kind of liked this.

I still might. It's groovy. The white side panels give it a nice curve. And I think Zoe's boob is sneaking up a little because of the way she's standing, not because the dress fits improperly. Considering she had the daunting task of showing up at the premiere of a movie that's supposed to change the face of movies forever, and can turn other movies into diamonds and makes it rain puppies and angels, she did a good job wearing something that actually doesn't let itself get upstaged by the phenomenon that we're all being promised James Cameron Brings You Tyler Perry's The James Cameron Experience: Avatar: Dances With Jar-Jar Binks is going to be.

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Zoe Saldana.

Golden Globes Well-Played Carpet: Zoe Saldana

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Zoe Saldana has got to be so pleased that people no longer only know her as the sassy rebel from Center Stage, or the prissy friend from Crossroads. And boy is she making the most of that:

This SHOULD be something I don't love. It's got a lot of frou-frou hoo-ha, and generally, I don't love dresses that make me string words together that sound like Lamaze breathing. And as Jessica and I noted for NYMag.com, it does kind of recall the window dressings in a brothel. But... a really GOOD brothel that you might just even want to go hang out in for a while because it's luxe and clean and the employees are fun and like to help you with your problems. And all that stuff at the bottom somehow gels together into a funky but elegant skirt -- possibly enhanced by Zoe's glowing skin, perfect makeup, and appropriate restraint when it came to the bling. And the hue is wonderful. I want to roll around in that thing. Maybe she just has a gift for making stuff I might normally question look like stuff I'd love to try on if my life were to veer sharply in a different direction. Not that I want to attend awards show -- dear God, can you imagine how HUNGRY those people are? -- but that I'd like to invent a job wherein I get to try on a bunch of really expensive clothes and maybe lie around the house in them reading or doing the crossword. Surely someone's hiring layabouts...?

DGA Awards Fug or Fab Carpet: Zoe Saldana

About ninety-nine percent of Zoe Saldana looks fab, and indeed, it's possible all of her does.
 

But I'm concerned someone attacked her pelvis with a paintball gun -- some crazed Avatar fan who refuses to accept her in her non-Na'vi form. Possibly who goes by the handle JamCam_2Billion.

But does it matter? No. That's still fab.

59% YES. That makes it fug.

6% Eh, it was fug already.

34% Created on Feb 4, 2010

Closed
Total Votes: 23,029

Oscar Fug Carpet: Zoe Saldana

For as much as Zoe Saldana's unusual red dress tickled my rotted heart at the Golden Globes, her unusual Oscars dress grabbed it by the ventricles and folded it into an origami fist.

I'd have been curious to see where that bodice was going. Unfortunately, on the way there, it got hijacked by an Amelia Earhart fetishist, and then left to die in a cheap science-fair volcano that erupts plastic leis. Of course, maybe if I'd had on my 3-D glasses, it would've changed my life -- or at least given me a way to exfoliate my feet.

Well Played, Zoe Saldana

And, magically, her dress -- orange and drape-y as it is -- has somehow managed to avoid looking like the love child of a bridesmaid's dress and an Orange Julius franchise. Instead, she looks great. That takes skills.

Met Ball Well Played: Zoe Saldana

This is very pretty in its quiet elegance:

 
 
Sure, it's sedate for this event, but it's also flattering and not distracting and unlikely to result in anyone else breaking a limb. Also, this is the girl who wore Miss Muffet's tuffet to the Oscars. If ever a girl seemed likely to glue a bunch of curlers to the skirt or twirl it like a spaghetti noodle into a pile of tulle, it was Zoe. In fact, this was probably REALLY smart of her. On a night when everyone is going big, you get a lot more attention when you're the sedate yet sleek one at the party, than if you attempt to hijack it by out-looning everyone else. (Unless you are Katy Perry and your dress has is battery-operated.)
Parenthetically, in that vein, can we address rumors that Lady Gaga's big Met Ball performance outfit was just a crystal catsuit? No wonder she skipped the red carpet. I know I just patted Zoe on the back for being an oasis in a sea of WTF, but what kind of world is this when Lady Gaga is resorting to things first, and best, done by BRITNEY? Lord. Next you'll be telling me Patrick Dempsey, John Malkovich, and Frances McDormand will be in the next Transformers sequel. ... What? HOLY DAMN. As Jessica just said, that reads like a casting Mad Lib. Like, "[GREAT HAIR] and [VERY ACTORLY VILLAIN TYPE] and [RESPECTED INDIE DRAMATIST AND COMEDIENNE] will be co-starring in the new [SHIT BLOWS UP AND IS LOUD] by [NOTORIOUS NUTJOB]." Although I guess I'd go see that, so maybe it's going to work.

Fug or Fab: Zoe Saldana

From the front, there's nothing terrifically new or different about this dress.

It's very Zoe, by and large: pretty, cocktail-length, a touch of drama, fierce shoes that make me want to burgle her closet (were I not too lazy to figure out how to perpetrate that crime without getting arrested and thrown in the pokey with an abusive cellmate named Brunhilda and a toilet made of Tupperware).

From the back:Continue reading Fug or Fab: Zoe Saldana.

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So, there are two old wells we often dip into, as regular readers probably know: The "I guess she's on her way to perform [Insert Wacky Title Here] On Ice, and referencing the disastrous candy-colored satin-and-lace bag that Molly Ringwald's character made for Prom in Pretty In Pink. (I've read that Molly and John Hughes' big falling-out was because she did that movie, because it was with another director, but I've decided he was just irate that she allowed herself to be immortalized in Pepto Abysmol.)


Anyway, thanks to Zoe Saldana, I can fuse those two old chestnuts into one mega-chestnut:

Zoe is obviously the starring skater in Pretty In Pink: But Better, the alternate-ending ice-dancing extravaganza in which Andie shows up in a funereal dress symbolic of burying her high-school years and then runs off with Duckie, Stef changes absolutely nothing about his wardrobe because all those leisure suits would look awesome amid a triple axel and some wicked spins, and Blaine actually does invent a major appliance and then name it after himself. I mean, I would watch that. But I also watched four and a half seasons of Ghost Whisperer before throwing up my hands and checking myself into a mental-health facility, so clearly I would watch anything

Would you watch? Yes, because I will watch anything on ice. Even something called, "Anything On Ice."