Well Played, Anne Hathaway

VALENTINO: Anne. Pet.

ANNE HATHAWAY: Hello!

VALENTINO: I cannot believe my eyes.

ANNE: Thank you! I AM pretty pleased with my dress. My cleavage looks a bit fabulous.

VALENTINO: SO WHITE.

ANNE: ... Okay, now I have no idea whether it's a compliment or not.

VALENTINO: How are you so PALE? It's so UNNATURAL!

ANNE: ... Did he just tell me MY skin is unnatural?

VALENTINO: Skin the color of paper! It has to be a practical joke! Where is that George Clooney? Is he behind this?

ANNE: But this is totally the skin color I was born with -- I'm fair, you know? I like myself that way.

VALENTINO: Like? LIKE?

ANNE: Yeah! I'm proud of how I look. Porcelain skin is in, man.

VALENTINO: HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

ANNE: No, really, it's...

VALENTINO: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

ANNE: You're serious?

VALENTINO: HA.

ANNE: Because...

VALENTINO: HAH HA HAAAAAAAAA HA HA HAAA. IT MADE A FUNNY! HA HA HA HA!

ANNE: This is going to be a long night.

Fug Wars

I can't believe they still sell this dress. It makes me wonder what else they're going to start selling from 1992. Sure, I get that plaid is back and grunge has been sort of re-envisioned, but this? This is like pure suburban mall rat, mid-July, grabbing an Orange Julius before drifting over to Express to look at the polyester, flower-printed skorts and then reluctantly going to the bookstore to buy the books on your summer reading list that you are never going to read, despite your best intentions, because even for those of us who would read a book on a hike if we could do it without walking into a tree, homework is just not enticing when it's 101 degrees outside. Sadly, this dress did not do much for me in 1992 and it's not doing a ton for Miss Anne right now. On the other hand, at least she doesn't have homework waiting for her. Presumably.

Met Ball Fug or Fab Carpet: Anne Hathaway

She's all like, "Yeah. I know. It's short. Take the picture, bub." I also love the woman in jeans in the background -- clearly a photographer or something -- who is just sort of slack-jawed by what she's seeing. I like to imagine that she's staring at Madonna right now. Although, in fairness, when I saw what Madonna was wearing, I looked more like this:

The Devil Wears Fug

But maybe the fact that she's essentially dressed like a gilded artichoke is actually a GOOD thing. No, seriously. Stick with me here. It's like this. Say you're a huge fan of your college basketball team. And your team is doing REALLY WELL. They're undefeated, right? You actually don't want that. At a certain point, you really want your team to lose a game. Early on. Because otherwise the pressure of being undefeated starts to be too much. It makes you crazy. Because you can't keep it up! Basketball season is long, and towards the end, the games are more important. Going into the tournament undefeated is like a recipe for an ulcer. Because you know the streak WILL be broken eventually and you REALLY don't want it to happen when it counts.  What's really better for everyone is to lose a couple of games now and then, to take off the pressure, so that when the heat is really on, your boiler won't explode (wow. That metaphor just went off the rails). If college basketball teams were starlets, Anne would be a major player. She's like the UNC of actresses. And the last thing she wants is to show up wearing this at, say, a major awards show. That would be a huge loss. But today? Eh. Everyone screws up some time. It's a Friday. It's summer time. No one notices! Nobody cares! It's not going to ruin her ranking -- if actresses were ranked like college teams, which it's probably for the best that they are not (Fug Madness notwithstanding, of course. And that kind of...goes in the other direction). She's just taking the pressure off her....er, fashion boiler? You know what I mean? Oh, just nod and pretend like that made sense.

 

So, often, Heather and I are asked who we think is the best dressed celebrity, and who is the worst. And the honest truth is that I can never pick either. Because honestly, Us Weekly is not wrong. Stars ARE just like us: sometimes they look awesome and then other times, they don't, and some look more awesome more regularly than others and then some are like this girl I went to college with, who always wore tie-dye.  But, if pressed, I would probably say that Anne Hathaway has been looking fabulous lately. I wouldn't wish a check-kiting, fraudulent, lying, cheating, stealing boyfriend on anyone, but at least I think we can all agree that Anne bounced back from a very awkward romantic situation with tremendous aplomb and also, conveniently for purposes of making him eat his heart out, proceeded to look more awesome with more regularity. Which is why she was due for a misstep. AKA, this:

Well Played, Anne Hathaway

I like it! It's interesting but not insane, it's cheerful, and it's flattering. You are pulling off tangerine with aplomb. It actually has me really craving an orange Popsicle, although maybe that's because it's so hot outside in Los Angeles lately that my freezer asked me to buy it some deodorant at the store. Still, I approve, and the only thing that would make me like it better would be if Anne walked through this picture and handed me some sherbet. I realize that's not likely to happen, but... come on, world. We're in the Aughts. We thought we'd have flying cars by now. Surely SOMEONE is working on a laptop sherbet generator.

Well Played, Anne Hathaway

Like, remember when Kiki Dunst was in Marie Antoinette, and for a while there every time she went somewhere, she looked like she was about ready to plonk her head down on the guillotine? That was annoying. (Although, parenthetically, I really MISS Kirsten Dunst. Come back, Kiki. Your public needs you...to make fun of. WITH LOVE. You know we love you. I actually just want to embrace you. Remember that time I wanted you to be on a show solving murders with Jason Schwartzman? HE HAS A DETECTIVE SHOW NOW. CALL HIM. PUT ON YOUR FAKE GLASSES AND GET A JOB ON THAT THING. Also, where are my royalties for that?) However, Annie H here is at an event benefiting gay and lesbian civil rights in the state of New York, and I feel like the cheery rainbow-flag trim on her cute little 80s-style dress comes across not as irritatingly self-referential -- like Kiki's was (sorry, Kiki) -- but as a fun little nod to the cause. Thematic, and SUBTLE. Imagine that.

Rachel Getting Fugged

I love when an outfit looks like the designer got super stressed out trying to make it work right, then just gave up and was all, "If anyone actually decides to WEAR this then it's THEIR PROBLEM." And I guess Anne Hathaway just didn't notice that the bodice makes it look like her boobs sprang a leak and are slowly deflating. She's going to be mighty surprised when she accepts delivery of the tiny bike pump I'm clearly going to send her for Christmas.

Celebrity Blue-Off: Anne Fugthaway vs Fugcelle Beauvais

Okay, America, you got me. I totally stole this before Johnny Weir was finished with it, cut off the pants, and strategically shaved it to make it look like someone just took Grover hostage. But COME ON, it's hairy, and hairy equals hot! Right? RIGHT? At LEAST tell me it's more fun than the shiny blue that Garcelle wore:

Continue reading Celebrity Blue-Off: Anne Fugthaway vs Fugcelle Beauvais.

Met Ball Well Played: Anne Hathaway

I must have been channeling him this morning, thought, because when I saw this, I thought, "Damn, Annie Hathaway looks like a million bucks!"  Overly familiar, yes, but also correct.

Several years ago, the dude who sat in the desk across from me and I had this shtick where we'd jocularly refer to celebs by overly familiar nicknames, as though we were old time-y namedroppers. Like, "I'm thinking about heading down to Bermuda with Mike Douglas and Cathy Zeta Jones," or "I can't believe Tommy Cruise is marrying that kid from Dawson's Creek! Do you think his old co-star Tony Edwards will be invited to the wedding?" Sometimes you have to make your own fun.