Leighton Fugster

 

It's rare that my brain is working hard enough on a Monday for it to experience a mind-flood, and yet, here I am, awash with objections:



1) Whoa.

2) Didn't I see that pattern on an inspirational poster with the word "SUCCESS" or "INTEGRITY" underneath it, paired with a stirring motivational quote that's supposed to make me a more stable person? And if not, can we turn this into a poster that says "FUGDACITY" or "FUGSEVERANCE" that's all about having the intestinal fortitude to keep wearing cracked-out patterns?

3) It's as if someone tore open her clothes in a passionate fury, then thought, "Oh, crap, I shouldn't have done that," and decided the ONLY thing that could fix it would be the creation of a matching sports bra. In about two weeks, I expect to hear that Nike has signed Leighton for a lucrative deal to model a line of athletic dresses-- just the thing for the women (or men, I suppose) who swear they would run every day if shorts didn't ruthlessly chafe their inner thighs. Then Central Park will be crawling with people in jogging dresses, and before you know it, the U.S. Olympic track-and-field athletes will streak around the track in full-support cocktail frocks. It's a revolution, people. It's the "looks like a pump, feels like a sneaker" of workout apparel.

4) Ooh, actually, the OTHER place I saw this: It reminds me of the red sky during the end of Empire Strikes Back, when Luke is hanging underneath the Cloud City with his one hand, using the Force's psychic text-message system to make Leia turn around and come back for him. So maybe this is Leighton's subtle way of suggesting to us that when it comes to getting dressed, she could -- wait for it -- really use a hand. THANK YOU, I'll be here all week. Tip your server.

VMAs Fug Carpet Scrolldown: Leighton Meester

 

At least Leighton Meester keeps it interesting. At first you see the tousled hair and cute minidress and think that's all there is to see, and then... and THEN:



Those shoes are many things -- aggressive, likely to cause unusual blisters, the footwear of choice for cocktail waitresses at King Tut's Falafel Pyramid -- but dull is not one of them. However, I don't particularly think the shoes and the dress work together: The patterns fight, and something about the height of the ankle cones cut off her leg at the worst point and makes you wonder if she's sprouted some cankles. (I am certain she hasn't. Blair Waldorf would never allow it.) Still, on a night where not much of interest happened that didn't involve Lady Gaga scaring the bejeesus out of me and Eminem, I applaud her for giving my fingers ample reason to pound on this keyboard. Otherwise, the bastards would be banging out the URL for eBay and searching on "Louboutin" and that might end badly.

Fug or Fab: Leighton Meester

 

Hey guys,

Starting this one off with a bit of housekeeping. Because we've really enjoyed having comments open on the Unfug It Up posts, we've decided to open them occasionally on other sorts of posts as well -- like Fug or Fabs, so you guys can weigh in on the very pressing issues at hand, as well as voting. Thanks for being such an awesome community, and we look forward to reading all your funny, constructive, clever commentary.

ONWARDS. Let's talk about Leighton.



First off, I need to say in a public forum that I found Hilary Duff to be surprisingly kind of charming and likeable on Gossip Girl this week. She's a better actress than certain regulars who shall remain nameless (not you, Leighton. You're always excellent, even if there's something about your current plotline that makes me mutter, "don't you have CLASS TO GO TO?" like a crotchety old bat). Charming and likeable, much like this entire look...until you get to the shoes. Which I love. But the socks make me want to stab myself with a baguette and pelt innocent children with hardened discs of pate (...when in Paris). And I don't understand why she appears to be holding what is surely the poshest, priciest, most covetable laptop bag ever. In short, confusion reigns. As usual.

Fug or Fab/Unfug It Up: Leighton Meester

 

You might think I would object to this dress on the basis of the giant flower alone.


[Photos: WENN.com]

Not true. There is potential in that flower. It has gumption. It would walk into a CEO's office, straight past the protesting assistant, and demand to be considered for a promotion. No, more than that, it would impersonate its boss while said boss is recovering from a broken leg sustained during a skiing accident, borrow liberally from the boss's wardrobe, arrange a major deal with Harrison Ford that involves crashing a dude's daughter's wedding just to convince him to take a meeting with you, get a horrendous haircut that's supposed to be more chic and professional than her teased-up ferry-proof hair, dump stupid cheating Alec Baldwin, and then win the day and an office of her own when the boss returns and tries to claim the brilliant deal idea as her own -- all while delivering its lines with the diction of a 13-year old girl who accidentally drank a glass of scotch. That flower has moxie.

But those shoes have a giant blackhead. And the blue print blossoms on the skirt are kind of distracting, like the dress fell down hard and bruised itself. Not to mention that Leighton's lank mane is kind of competing with the bloom that's growing from her torso. There is a lot going on here, and what I'm saying is, I don't think all blame can be pinned on the very dramatic chest flower.

In the interests of full disclosure, or at least as full as I can make it, here is a photo that shows the back:

Fug or Fab/Unfug It Up: Leighton Meester

 

You might think I would object to this dress on the basis of the giant flower alone.


[Photos: WENN.com]

Not true. There is potential in that flower. It has gumption. It would walk into a CEO's office, straight past the protesting assistant, and demand to be considered for a promotion. No, more than that, it would impersonate its boss while said boss is recovering from a broken leg sustained during a skiing accident, borrow liberally from the boss's wardrobe, arrange a major deal with Harrison Ford that involves crashing a dude's daughter's wedding just to convince him to take a meeting with you, get a horrendous haircut that's supposed to be more chic and professional than her teased-up ferry-proof hair, dump stupid cheating Alec Baldwin, and then win the day and an office of her own when the boss returns and tries to claim the brilliant deal idea as her own -- all while delivering its lines with the diction of a 13-year old girl who accidentally drank a glass of scotch. That flower has moxie.

But those shoes have a giant blackhead. And the blue print blossoms on the skirt are kind of distracting, like the dress fell down hard and bruised itself. Not to mention that Leighton's lank mane is kind of competing with the bloom that's growing from her torso. There is a lot going on here, and what I'm saying is, I don't think all blame can be pinned on the very dramatic chest flower.

In the interests of full disclosure, or at least as full as I can make it, here is a photo that shows the back:

FugOFugO, Fug Girl

 

Look, I get why Formerly Popular Shoe Brands of the 80s ally themselves with Currently Hot TV Starlets (see: Barton, Mischa, and Keds). It makes sense for them. However, I sort of hate it because it leads to things like this:

Let us not mince words. THERE IS NO WAY LEIGHTON MEESTER WOULD WEAR THOSE SHOES WITH THAT OUTFIT UNLESS CONTRACTUALLY OBLIGATED TO DO SO. She just...would not. She would not. I will never, for the life of me, understand why the people styling these events don't put Said Starlet into something she might actually wear with the shoes she's hawking. You know, like....I don't know. Jeans? A cute, casual skirt? Emerald green shortie shorts and a white cotton tee shirt? (That's what I used to wear MY Reeboks with, back when I used to take gym class and Luke Perry was young.) I am totally willing to accept the renaissance of the high top, but let's not fool ourselves into thinking Blair Waldorf would actually do this of her own volition. And it's written all over her face:

Fug or Fab: Leighton, Chloe, and Kate

 

At the Chloe store opening last night, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that most of the celebrity invitees were clothed in the label's outfits, especially since many of them had the same shoes on or similarly cut things. But as I'm fond of pointing out, you can always say no to something if it's sort of blah. Ergo, onward we press.

First up: Leighton Meester, wearing something that almost gave me a heart attack because initially I thought it was the same thing Aubrey O'Day had on here. But then I realized that, no, Leighton got her hands on the expensive and better-made version:



Those shoes are crazy, but also sort of beautiful -- I appreciate them as art, but can't help thinking they look a little clunky on an actual foot. Still, they're the least of my issues: Now that Leighton's hair is lightened, her skin is self-tanned a little more, her outfit is a fleshy peach-orange color, and she's enrolled in the Emily Deschanel School of Undereye Makeup That Makes You Look Exhausted All The Time, La Meester no longer really pops. Everything kind of blends together. Not to mention that the waistline and giant tie on that skirt reminds me of a pair of shorts I REALLY LOVED back in fifth grade. But I appreciate where the whole thing was going, and although this is faint praise indeed, she certainly could look a lot worse. And my other question is, if Aubrey O'Day wore the Designer Imposter version of this outfit first, does it ruin anything this one is trying to do?

Leightfug Meestfug

 

Leighton Meester gave me almost more than I could handle over my breakfast this morning.

It did not start with this, but this is part of it:



The eye makeup is ... intense. I know Leighton fancies herself a rock-star now, but she has the kind of eyes that look a lot smaller when you pile on the makeup, to the point where it kinda makes her look puffy and tired no matter what she's doing. The dress, well, I've never really understood wanting to make it look like you're wearing a tube top, and I certainly hope she had a car take her to this party, because otherwise I don't know how she would sit down on the subway or in a taxi without catching something unpleasant. But, whatever. At least the tube-top is keeping the girls in place, and even though I hate the art-deco mules she's wearing, I can deal with where she was going with this.

Perhaps that's because BEFORE I looked at this dress, I saw what Leighton wore inside the party to perform. It grieves me that we don't have legal access to put that photo on our Web site, and I PRAY that this link does not expire, because you need to see this, because OH MY GOD, when did Leighton Meester become Solange?

Just as bad is her new music video:

Somebody to Fug

 

You guys, this Leighton Meester Pop Star Phase is going to get really, really tiresome.



Here she is arriving at the KIIS FM Jingle Ball thingie. She looks...well, listen, I can't lie. She looks like she was wearing a white dress and someone pushed her onto the floor of a New York subway car. But I'm sure it cost like $6000 and therefore we're all supposed to have the vapors over how directional it is, or some shit. Whatever. It's fine compared to what she changed into for her performance:

Fugbody to Love

 

Um.



All I know is, the longer this Leighton Meester: Pop Star thing goes on, the less I like it.

PS: Flashdance called. It wants its sweatshirt back.

PPS: Duct tape called. It wants its soul back.

PPPS: Your acting career called. It wants to talk to your agent immediately.

Fug the Cover: Leighton Meester

 

I first saw this cover on Girl with a Satchel and I really wish someone had been here to see my face when it loaded in its entirety. Because of how I looked like I just got shoved off the Sue Sylvester Express, Destination: HORROR. You guys, I love Blair, but the more I see Leighton Meester in Non-Blair-Environs, the more I NEVER want to see her out of character, EVER. Eyes so smokier than mine during California's last batch of wildfires, plus red lips (great, but big eyes AND big lips can make you look like a mail order bride as costumed by someone working on an early season of Law and Order), plus quasi-coy finger-biting, AND not-coy-enough hem lifting? WE GET IT. YOU'RE NAUGHTY. IT'S BORING. 

Blair Fugdorf II: Fuglectric Boogaloo

 

Leighton Meester had a busy break: Not only did she resurrect the lace bodysuit and put herself one giant necktie and some thick bangs away from dating Dylan McKay against the wishes of her parents, but she also wore this:

[Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

She was attending her own performance of her "music," and not, as it might appear, chairing the Black Widow Ball thrown by a secret society of sorority girls who dig dressing up as pupal moths pushing the limits of their cocoon. However, usually, Leighton wears something moderately wacktastical for the official photo op and saves the true Seussian Bai Lingitude for when she's inside. On this occasion, however, she threw me for a loop by donning this for her show:

Somebody to Fug

Somebody to Fug

Fug file:

• ENOUGH ALREADY,
• ew,
• WTF

Okay. This whole Leighton Meester Edgy Pop Star persona? I really am so over it.



Remember when she was just Leighton Meester, Best Actress on the CW? And now she's Leighton Meester, Girl in a Hot Pink Nylon Mesh Top Under a Grey Meshier Jacket and a Skirt Made of the Buffs They're Giving Out on Survivor: Heroes Versus Villains. That is one hell of a demotion.

Fug Madness 2010, Round One Continued: Bjork Bracket

Fug Madness 2010, Round One Continued: Bjork Bracket

(1) LEIGHTON MEESTER vs. (16) ELISABETH MOSS

La Meester worked really hard this year to ditch the Blair Waldorf persona and adopt one of Lady Solangaga Perry. The one picture I DESPERATELY want to print here is the one I can't legally use. It's this one (go to slide #3, if it doesn't take you there automatically). LEIGHTON. HONEY. Those pants look like she had several terrible lady accidents and one awkward encounter with watercolors.

I can, however, show you this:

Those pants are kind of half-Waldorfian, half-Jenny Humphrey -- it's like what Blair would counsel Little J to wear the night she loses her virginity: Just wrap up your crotch like the precious gift it is, but in leather, to preserve the Jenny Humphrey "It Should Have Been Me In The Runaways So I'm COMING FOR YOU, FANNING" aura.

If you click on Leighton's archive, you'll see so much more fug from which to choose. Like this:

Fug Madness 2010, Round Two continued: Bjork Bracket

Fug Madness 2010, Round Two continued: Bjork Bracket

(1) LEIGHTON MEESTER v. (9) KIMBERLY WYATT

Leighton's nascent career as a pop star has been a TERRIBLE idea for her as an actress, but it sure has given us plenty to talk about here on GFY. Like, look at this thing:


[Photo: WENN.com]

The fact that the backdrop behind her is painted to look like a subway only serves to make me want to throw myself in front of one as a reaction to this stylistic crime against her natural hotness.  And let's not even talk about the makeup

Fug or Fab: Leighton Meester

 

I think I've given up Gossip Girl -- I deleted it in the middle of Monday's episode because I just didn't care, and because I kept hoping for Jenny to fall in front of a subway (it could happen; they killed off Marissa Cooper, after all). Which means that now I don't have Leighton Meester's still awesome line-readings to keep me warm, I may begin judging her solely on whatever cracked out get-up she chooses to wear out of the house. Let's start with this one:


[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]
Cute! Although I feel a bit guilty: I have shoes just like that, and I haven't worn them yet because they're so high and spiky that I'm scared I will teeter over and fall in front of a subway, just like the Little J of my fictitious imaginings. Which is saying a lot, because that means I'd essentially have to trip and fall into New York. But the dress is super sassy, right? Although...what's happening in the back? Is she wearing...a fringed cape?

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Leighton Meester

 

So, La Meester DID attend the Met Ball on Monday night. She was just putting the "late" in "Leighton." She claims it's because shooting on her movie went way overtime...

[Photo: Splash News]

... but I think the real reason is, she was busy making a crown of daisies as she scampered through strawberry fields forever listening to the Hair soundtrack and giving peace a chance. Why that all led to her raiding Mischa Barton's closet, though, I have no idea. But it does explain why she didn't notice those two diagonal seams that hit her right where a nice pair of granny panties would. That is so not groovy, Leighton. Free love is hard to have when it takes half an hour to get out of your knickers.

Fug or Fab: Leighton Meester

 

The woman in this photo is SO texting someone to say, "Mon dieu! I am sitting behind BLAIR F'ING WALDORF at the Chanel show. It's like we are on the Met steps and she's about to dump yogurt on an underling who dared to wear tights as pants! I am totally going to be all over the blogs tomorrow." And indeed, her prophecy came true.

[Photos: WENN.com]

I enjoy that Leighton is taking subtle steps to point toward her gigantic Louboutins -- like, unless she is about to run her hand up her leg as part of a plea to get America to invest in some Nair, that finger is totally designed to draw your eye down to the red sole, and thus, draw Mr. Louboutin into thinking she is such an awesome model for his footwear that he'll give her twenty more pairs. Genius, Meester. Genius.

Let's check out the rest of her outfit:

Fugrena Van Der Woodsfug

 

LEIGHTON: Hey, everybody! Hi! We love our fans!

BLAKE: Watch Gossip Girl!

LEIGHTON: And don't blame B here for this!

BLAKE: What do you mean, L?

LEIGHTON: Well, I'm just saying, you didn't do this to yourself. Last season, you were put in a bunch of unflattering clothes, and now this season you're in some shorts that are hitting you in an awkward spot.

BLAKE: What? They're Daisy Dukes!

LEIGHTON: Daisy Pukes.  If you're going to go short, please at least make it look right.

BLAKE: Well, at least my tights don't fight with my dress.

LEIGHTON: Is that the best you have, sweetie?

BLAKE: Um... your dress looks like you were shot in the gut with a glitter grenade?

LEIGHTON: Better, but not accurate, because it's funky. So let's be honest: I still win.

BLAKE: And I still have these legs.

LEIGHTON: ... Okay, it's a tie.

Good Fugging, Upper East Siders

 

I know, Leighton, my jaw dropped too.

[Photo: Splash News]

Blair Waldorf would NEVER dress like a stagehand at a Cats revival.