Mad Fug

 

I love, love, love Mad Men on AMC.  It's fascinating and creepy and engrossing and the outfits are, like...oh my god, the outfits are good.  I would watch it if it were silent. And Christina Hendricks here is great in it as this very va va vam voom good time girl/office manager with, of course, hidden depths and a SERIOUSLY good wardrobe, including a leopard print coat that I would kill you for. Yes, you. Move over, I want that coat. And she's very pretty, of course, but I have a question for you regarding the below:

Great shoes. Good dress (although I do wonder if she might have benefited from some extra working room in the bodice, as I suspect she'll be finding bits and pieces of dinner lurking in her cleavage for weeks, as it's sneaking suspiciously close to her mouth. I recently found a piece of spaghetti in my cleavage  -- shut up, I like my carbs -- and, let me tell you, the experience is ALARMING. She would do well, emotionally, to beware). But do my eyes suddenly work in high-def, or is that a rather lot of make-up?  Her Mad Men character would take a look at this, cluck sympathetically, hand her a handkerchief and hustle her off to the restroom to re-do it a bit more subtly, whilst imparting sly wisdom about how best to handle handsy and potentially homicidal  chauvinist coworkers.  Her stylist would be well-advised to do the same.

Fug or Fab: Christina Hendricks

 

Like so many people, I LOVE Christina Hendricks as sassy Joan on Mad Men, who has men and women alike smitten by her curvy charms. She looks terrific on the show, with her bold red lipstick and flaming hair, and so I always desperately want to love what she's wearing off-set -- I mean, I've got hips, I've got a touch of the strawberry in my hair, and I'm a fair-skinned wench. I could take pointers, right?

Or maybe not.



On one hand, the concept of the dress is interesting, with the sparklies and the pleats, and having a fan pinned to your boobs is kind of like built-in air-conditioning. On the other, I don't think it was such a hot idea to match the burnt-orange color to her hair AND her eye-shadow, because it just makes her look kind of puffy-eyed and tired. Plus, that dress is just BEGGING for some idiot at the party to spend the night tugging on the pleated panel to see if it makes the fan swing back and forth.

Fug or Fab: Christina Hendricks

 

Oh, jumpsuits. Will you ever go away?



Don't answer that question. The truth of the matter is that Christina Hendricks here looks pretty good in said jumpsuit, which surprises me in that (a) I always assumed that the jumpsuit was best suited for the very tiniest of our female brethren, (b) her boob-wrangling track record is not the greatest, although of course she is herself quite a dish. That being said, I must admit that I am scared of what this looks like from other angles. As we've learned from Poor Sad Jessica Simpson: Child of Tragedy, the BACK of the jumpsuit is often where things fall apart. And yet I have no shot of the rear view. Which means I must give the thumbs up or down based solely on instinct.

Unfug It Up: Christina Hendricks

 

I just seriously do not even know what to do with Mad Men's Christina Hendricks. She looks amazing on the show and then in real life, she looks like this:



Her face, at least, is great -- that is, of course, the saving grace of the majority of celebrities featured herein, that even if they're wearing two potato sacks and a recycling bin, their genetics continue to be kind to them -- but hoo boy, what is up with the rest of this? That length is doing her no favors. Maybe if this dress didn't have long sleeves in addition to the frumpy skirt length it would be a whole different story, but as it is, one of the sexiest women on AMC looks like the major of Dumpsylvania. What would you do to fix her?

Usual commenting requests apply: play nice and share your toys and later we can all have a snack and a nap. 

Well Played, Christina Hendricks

 

Hey, remember the time we Unfugged Christina Hendricks?



She totally listened! Damn, I just love it when a plan comes together.

Unfug It Up: Christina Hendricks

 

I'd say Christina Hendricks looks much improved since the last couple of times we've seen her, but I have a SERIOUS BIRD PHOBIA and I really can't even examine this too long:

From staring down here at her feet -- WHERE IT'S SAFE -- I would argue that she could maybe use a marginally higher heel, but what do I know? I'm in the fetal position over here. I need the visual equivalent of a mega-dose of Xanax. I know I've got something for that...where is it....?

Continue reading Unfug It Up: Christina Hendricks.

Golden Globes Well Played/Fug Carpet: Christina Hendricks and January Jones

Christina Hendricks has the kind of fabulous bod that most designers wouldn't know how to handle. Any time Project Runway throws the contestants a challenge to make clothes for mothers, or divorcees, or generally people who aren't 5'10"and 100 lbs, they all start wailing and moaning that it's not what their designs are about and it's so haaaard, and blah blah blah. I always want Tim Gunn to come in and yell at them that if they can't handle actual people's bodies, then they have no business making clothes at all, because guess what? Sometimes people who eat carbs also want to shop and wear things on their bodies.

So bless Christian Siriano for not shying away from the resplendent curves and cleavage of Man Men's Joan:

This fits Christina like a dream -- something other gowns often fail to achieve even on bodies closer to the sample-size shape -- and she looks so happy and comfortable in it. Admittedly this seems a tad inspired by Peaches 'n' Cream Barbie, but I find it more interesting. Trust me. I owned that doll -- she was my only Barbie, since I kind of hated Barbies/dolls in general and was more of a My Little Pony girl; they had all of the soapy shenanigans with the added wrinkle of being able to yank out their tails and trade -- and I can say with certainty that P 'n' C Barbie was a boring girl. All she did was stand around and sing to herself while the ponies made fun of her for looking so freaking perky all the time. So maybe this is Peaches 'n' Cream Barbie's saucier, more personable cousin, whose favorite belt is made of whiskey and who likes to dance on the piano and play Olde Tymey poker with those cards that only have the symbols on them. I'd hang out with that girl. Especially if she had Christian Siriano on speed dial.

Contrast the spirit here with what her co-star January Jones wore:

Oscars Post-Party Fug Carpet: Christina Hendricks

 

For the love of little green apples, will SOMEONE please get this woman A STYLIST?



There has been a lot of blah blah blah over the past year about how Christina Hendricks here is challenging to dress or whatever because of her figure. Now, don't get me wrong: her figure is certainly noteworthy. Because she has a great one. And SHE clearly finds it challenging to dress, because she often looks totally random. HOWEVER, I am quite sure that there are MANY MANY women in the world with a body of similar proportions (congrats, ladies) who get dressed every day and look awesome. It is not that she has three arms, or one leg is three hundred pounds and the other is seven. THAT would be challenging. And I'm sure, like all of us in the world, she could sometimes use the handiwork of a skilled tailor. But when you look freaking amazing every time you appear onscreen in the television show that made you famous, it might be a good hint that, when confronted with a question of what to wear to an event, maybe you should consider CALLING THE PEOPLE WHO DRESS YOU EVERY DAY OH MY GOD CHRISTINA IT'S OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP THAT POUF WAS A BAD IDEA DON'T EVER CHOOSE YOUR OUTFITS AS A SHOUT-OUT TO SNOOKI'S HAIR. Phew. I feel better now.

Fug Madness 2010, Round One: Charo Bracket

 

(1) RIHANNA vs. (16) JESSICA SIMPSON

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

RIHANNA: Hello, Jessica... ica... ica... a... a... a...

J.SIMP: Hi, Rihanna. Nice to see you. I can't believe I'm here. Should I be happy that I beat my sister, or depressed because what I beat her at is looking terrible?

RIHANNA: Both. But let's talk about you. I hear you're having some trouble getting dressed... essed... essed... d... d... d.

J.SIMP: Not really! What I'd rather talk about is how much I want to marry--

RIHANNA: No, girl. You are having trouble. Here is your problem: You are not being creative enough. If you're going to wear something ugly, and let's face it, you ARE, then you need to take it twenty steps further.

J.SIMP: But can't we just discuss Tony Romo's Twitter--

RIHANNA: No. Look at yourself, see? That is a bad jumpsuit. Totally boring-awful. But THIS jumpsuit...

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Christina Hendricks

 

I've been dreading dealing with this outfit, because there comes a point with some people where you just don't know what to say anymore:

It goes like this: I think Christina Hendricks is [expression of love] and [praise for her acting] and [pro-curves statement] but my patience is wearing thin with because [rambling rant about finding clothes that fit]. [Adoration for the color] but [expression of disbelief that either she or other people treat her boobs like they are Dolly Parton's] and [fear that she is more culpable in this than we want her to be, because fool you twice, shame on you, and this is like the fifteenth fooling] and also [concern for whether she recently scalped a '70s-era game show host and i wearing his toupé as a trophy]. P.S. [Lay out doubts about the make -up].

Phew. I feel much better.

Fug or Fab or Unfug: Christina Hendricks

This may not be true, but it FEELS like every time I write about Christina Hendricks, I make it a Fug or Fab piece. Although, I just peeked back at our archives, and that's totally not the case at all. I suspect my mistaken memories suggest that I WANT to see the silver lining in her outfits but in the end the darker recesses of my soul win out and I abandon optimism for aaaaarghtimism (translation: the tendency to beat one's head against the wall and then douse the bruise in rum while eating a lime with one eye closed, and asking a parrot how it feels).

So you tell me: Is this cute? Because I love her face, and I like the little black dress angle; I'm just not sure if being choked by a fabric swatch from Madonna's abandoned 1989 Glove Of Love handwear collection is the best move. What's to be done, Fug Nation? Denude her arms and chest of the lace, but keep the bottom? Keep the underlying LBD and just accessorize the hell out of it? Touch nothing but your own cheeks as you wipe tears of joy from your loving eyes? Go back to the beginning, like Inigo in The Princess Bride, but without getting so drunk that you wake up to a giant dousing your head in a bucket of cold water? Make more random, barely applicable movie references? Who do you favor in the Virginia Slims tournament? WHAT?

Well Played the Cover: Christina Hendricks

 

 

As the reader who sent this in to us noted, if only Christina Hendricks looked this great every time she went out! This is one instance where I'm like, "What Not To Wear is RIGHT: The wrap dress IS flattering!" Of course, it helps that's she's so lovely, but I think it also helps that presumably she wasn't styled by someone who was flummoxed by how to dress someone with boobs. WE ALL KNOW IT CAN BE DONE. That being said, as much as I'd like to read the article about her, I can not buy a magazine that wonders, "Just cramps....OR CANCER??" because I am such a hypochondriac that I once convinced myself I had this particular lethal disorder....only to read on and discover that it affects only men. I have enough problems without being sure that my cramps are going to kill me, thanks. Guess now I'll never know the surely redundant secrets to sexier sex. Oh, well. I bet Cosmo can fill me in.

Well Played, Christina Hendricks

There's something about the shape of this dress that I love:

Maybe I'm nuts, but the whole thing looks kissed by the wind -- like she just drifted over from someplace fabulous, and the air around her smells like dark chocolate and flowers, and then just like that she'll be gone again to some other fabulous place and you'll be left wondering if you imagined the buxom redhead with the tiny waist who made you want to wear sunscreen three times a day for the rest of your life.

Bonus: It FITS. Flights of angels are dusting off their trumpets right now in preparation for a rousing round of alleluias.

Emmy Awards Fug or Fab: Christina Hendricks

Well, let's do this thing:



I've been staring at this dress for at least an hour. I think I decided that while I don't NOT like it, nor am I in love with it. I just wish it had a little more OOMPH, you know? A slightly richer hue, or more feathers. Or LESS feathers. Less pleating, OR more pleating. I want it to be either completely low key and minimal, or totally over the top. It's definitely pretty.

Well Played, Christina Hendricks

GEOFFREY AREND: Wow. You look GREAT.

CHRISTINA HENDRICKS: Thanks! I really do, don't I?

GEOFFREY: Everything fits! It's flattering without being matronly! It's not boring, but nor is it cracked out! The v-neck works nicely on your silhouette! I approve!

CHRISTINA: Did you just name-check my silhouette?

GEOFFREY: What? I watch a lot of What Not To Wear. And, baby, you look like the After.