Oscar Fug Carpet: Zoe Saldana

For as much as Zoe Saldana's unusual red dress tickled my rotted heart at the Golden Globes, her unusual Oscars dress grabbed it by the ventricles and folded it into an origami fist.

I'd have been curious to see where that bodice was going. Unfortunately, on the way there, it got hijacked by an Amelia Earhart fetishist, and then left to die in a cheap science-fair volcano that erupts plastic leis. Of course, maybe if I'd had on my 3-D glasses, it would've changed my life -- or at least given me a way to exfoliate my feet.