Fugatar

So, there are two old wells we often dip into, as regular readers probably know: The "I guess she's on her way to perform [Insert Wacky Title Here] On Ice, and referencing the disastrous candy-colored satin-and-lace bag that Molly Ringwald's character made for Prom in Pretty In Pink. (I've read that Molly and John Hughes' big falling-out was because she did that movie, because it was with another director, but I've decided he was just irate that she allowed herself to be immortalized in Pepto Abysmol.)


Anyway, thanks to Zoe Saldana, I can fuse those two old chestnuts into one mega-chestnut:

Zoe is obviously the starring skater in Pretty In Pink: But Better, the alternate-ending ice-dancing extravaganza in which Andie shows up in a funereal dress symbolic of burying her high-school years and then runs off with Duckie, Stef changes absolutely nothing about his wardrobe because all those leisure suits would look awesome amid a triple axel and some wicked spins, and Blaine actually does invent a major appliance and then name it after himself. I mean, I would watch that. But I also watched four and a half seasons of Ghost Whisperer before throwing up my hands and checking myself into a mental-health facility, so clearly I would watch anything

Would you watch? Yes, because I will watch anything on ice. Even something called, "Anything On Ice."