So NoFUGious

It's well-documented that we hold a fond place in our hearts for Tori Spelling, on account of the important social contributions she made as Donna Martin, to a lesser degree as Screech's snorting girlfriend Violet on Saved By The Bell, and of course to a MASSIVE degree through her catalog of Lifetime Television For Women movies. We now know that the answer to the question, "Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?" is a resounding, "Not unless you want to get stalked and nearly meet a violent end on a pier somewhere in the country." Ergo, we wish Tori only good things in life.




I am not sure this dress is one of them.

Outwardly, aside from how destroyed it got in the car on the way over, it's not that bad. The color is great. But the bodice is making upended ostrich eggs of her boobs. Everything is tight and squished and uncomfortable-looking, like she was so excited to squeeze herself into a size zero that she was HELL-BENT on getting those puppies into the top, whether they whimpered at her the whole time or not. I also enjoy that every time I get a passing look at that clutch purse, I mistakenly think it is a really old-school calculator, like she brought it with her in case she's seized with the urge to write "BOOBIES" on it in numbers and then hand it to reporters with a giggle.

Although... is it just me, or has Tori dropped a little too much weight? I know she was always really lean, but something about her looks a tiny bit too shrunken. Almost bobbleheaded. Which, incidentally, I think you could ALMOST also write on a calculator if the window were long enough... and if you left out the a... and the ds, too. But that's not a very good reason to give up carbs (or forsake spelling). Somebody please get Donna a Megaburger, stat. Where is Joe E. Tata when you need him?