Oh my god, hey y'all! What's up?
[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]
I hope y'all have a full Slurpee because I have got A LOT to talk to y'all about and I don't have any time for y'all to get up and get a snack, like the last time I was talking to my mama about how Ed Morocco (or whatever the Sam Hill that tan man's name is over at E!) has been saying that Justin and Lucy from 7th Heaven are FINALLY breaking up and now we can seriously finally be together again -- like can you imagine the hilarious sequel we could do to "Dick in a Box"? I'm gonna entitle it "Arm in a Handbag" -- and she just stood up and said she needed a drink and she never came back, which I thought was really rude.
So anyway yeah I'm working on "Arm in a Handbag" and I was going to call it, "Head in a Backpack," but Jamie Lynn said that was creepy and she says she should know since she's taking some dumb class on criminal psychology from the University of Phoenix because she says she needs to have an "actual job like a normal person" and I don't know why she always makes those little finger air marks and gives me a dirty look when she says that but whatever. She's been so crabby since that pipe layer knocked her up and I keep telling her what she ought to do is get REAL FAT and then go on The Celebrity Fit Club and then we made some mean jokes about Kevin that I won't illiterate here because they're not very nice and he is the father of my three children or however many I have.
I'M JUST KIDDING Y'ALL. I know I only have two babies, I'm not CRAZY anymore. Can't you tell from my outfit? This is CLASSIC BRITNEY SPEARS NORMAL Y'ALL! Cut-offs? Check! Belly-shirt? CHECK. Visible bra? CHECK. Stumpy UGG boots in 150 degree heat? CHECK. Messy blonde ponytail? CHECK. The only thing missing is a belly ring and a snake, am I right?! I am serious, y'all, if someone hit you over the head with a Crockpot and you woke up next to the computer and this picture was the first thing you saw you would totally think you'd been awokened in 2004 which just happens to be the year I released my Emmy-winning hit single "Toxic" which I think everyone knows is awesome. COINCIDENCE? You be the umpire.
Yeah, so even though when I left the house to go to Target to get tube socks wearing this outfit my Daddy like sighed real deep and said something about trouble, I think we can all agree that actually what this look means is that everything is going to be TOTALLY FINE because I could not be feeling more like myself! HOW MUCH LIKE ME DO I LOOK? I'm like a Halloween costume of myself I look so much like me. And it feels seriously awesome so I can only quote that sweet little curly-haired girl in Clueless and tell you that I hope me looking like me doesn't happen sporadically.
ANYWAY. Thanks for listening and I know you love the cut-offs so YOU'RE WELCOME and now I have to get back to work on "Arm in a Handbag." YOU KNOW WHO IS GOING TO LOVE IT although I might send him "Head in a Backpack" TOO because it is honestly catchy and Jamie Lynn is seriously quite dumb, you guys.
DON'T BE ESTRANGED!
xoxo
Britney
[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]
I hope y'all have a full Slurpee because I have got A LOT to talk to y'all about and I don't have any time for y'all to get up and get a snack, like the last time I was talking to my mama about how Ed Morocco (or whatever the Sam Hill that tan man's name is over at E!) has been saying that Justin and Lucy from 7th Heaven are FINALLY breaking up and now we can seriously finally be together again -- like can you imagine the hilarious sequel we could do to "Dick in a Box"? I'm gonna entitle it "Arm in a Handbag" -- and she just stood up and said she needed a drink and she never came back, which I thought was really rude.
So anyway yeah I'm working on "Arm in a Handbag" and I was going to call it, "Head in a Backpack," but Jamie Lynn said that was creepy and she says she should know since she's taking some dumb class on criminal psychology from the University of Phoenix because she says she needs to have an "actual job like a normal person" and I don't know why she always makes those little finger air marks and gives me a dirty look when she says that but whatever. She's been so crabby since that pipe layer knocked her up and I keep telling her what she ought to do is get REAL FAT and then go on The Celebrity Fit Club and then we made some mean jokes about Kevin that I won't illiterate here because they're not very nice and he is the father of my three children or however many I have.
I'M JUST KIDDING Y'ALL. I know I only have two babies, I'm not CRAZY anymore. Can't you tell from my outfit? This is CLASSIC BRITNEY SPEARS NORMAL Y'ALL! Cut-offs? Check! Belly-shirt? CHECK. Visible bra? CHECK. Stumpy UGG boots in 150 degree heat? CHECK. Messy blonde ponytail? CHECK. The only thing missing is a belly ring and a snake, am I right?! I am serious, y'all, if someone hit you over the head with a Crockpot and you woke up next to the computer and this picture was the first thing you saw you would totally think you'd been awokened in 2004 which just happens to be the year I released my Emmy-winning hit single "Toxic" which I think everyone knows is awesome. COINCIDENCE? You be the umpire.
Yeah, so even though when I left the house to go to Target to get tube socks wearing this outfit my Daddy like sighed real deep and said something about trouble, I think we can all agree that actually what this look means is that everything is going to be TOTALLY FINE because I could not be feeling more like myself! HOW MUCH LIKE ME DO I LOOK? I'm like a Halloween costume of myself I look so much like me. And it feels seriously awesome so I can only quote that sweet little curly-haired girl in Clueless and tell you that I hope me looking like me doesn't happen sporadically.
ANYWAY. Thanks for listening and I know you love the cut-offs so YOU'RE WELCOME and now I have to get back to work on "Arm in a Handbag." YOU KNOW WHO IS GOING TO LOVE IT although I might send him "Head in a Backpack" TOO because it is honestly catchy and Jamie Lynn is seriously quite dumb, you guys.
DON'T BE ESTRANGED!
xoxo
Britney
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