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Fug The Cover: Ashlee Simpson

Alicia Silverstone? Cute! Connie Britton? Enviable! Ashlee Simpson? Cock-eyed, tired, and wonkus. It reminds me of when I was making a version of myself on the Tiger Woods golf game for the Wii, and just for fun I kept inflating all my features to really weird sizes. It is the worst possible angle on her and it makes her surgically streamlined and generally flattering nose look more like a honker of a schnozz -- plus, you KNOW how much I hate makeup that GIVES you undereye bags (see also: Deschanel, Emily). If this cover is supposed to make women in their 30s and 40s feel better about themselves by making them feel way hotter than the twenty-something, then congrats, because that strategy may have worked. Yeah, Connie Britton is shoved in there at a weird body angle but she's hot.




Then the attack migrates to the thirty-somethings. Look at the picture they chose of Alicia Silverstone for inside the magazine:

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