As she walked away with her trophy for Best Leading Lady, Cameron Diaz caught sight of her reflection in the TelePrompTer and froze in horror. She couldn't tell which was worse: the fact that her dress looked like a funereal homage to Madonna's "Like A Virgin" video, or the fact that it closely resembled an upended, overly ornate Pier 1 Imports martini glass. Suddenly it all made sense -- her personal assistant taking one look at it and sighing that she might as well shove some olives on a toothpick and tape them to the skirt; Andy Dick trying to stick a bendy straw all up in her business; Britney Spears sending her that barely legible text that read, "2 BAD 4U SUCKA, JT NO DRINX DIRTY MARTEENYS, BS RULZ 4EVAAAA."
She knew then it was going to be a long, long night. And that she was going to have to change her mobile number.
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