Grammys Fug Weekend 'You The Jury': Carrie Underwood

Well, she didn't change clothes five times like she does at all the country music shows, but thank God we do have three Carrie Underwood ensembles to chew on from this year's Grammys and its related shindigs. Want to file into the jury box and look impassive while the lawyers present their arguments? Y'all are welcome to deliberate in the comments as well.

The prosecution opens by pointing out that the neckline of this dress makes Carrie look like she's hunched, but the defense is ready: It posits that the unusual bodice is the only reason anyone is discussing this dress at all, and that it's very creative and fun. The prosecution counters that this might be better without the horizontal bit that looks like she has been lassoed, and suggests this is what enslaved vestal virgins are wearing in the court of the galactic emperor in 2314, and when the defense is all, "How would you KNOW THAT," the prosecution shrugs and then makes a big show of looking for the keys to the office DeLorean. The defense pouts that it's super cool and she's hot so WHATEVER.  But the prosecution isn't done; it yawns that it's sick of white on the red carpet, and blames Kate Hudson. The defense objects, nothing that people are also generally sick of Kate Hudson herself, and contends that opposing counsel is only invoking that name to instill in the jury an annoyed feeling that will create unfair bias. The judge instructs the jury to ignore any feelings of ill-will toward Kate Hudson, no matter how overrated Almost Famous and all of her ensuing performances have been. The prosecution leaps up to insist that How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days is secretly kind of okay, but the judge bangs the gavel and decrees Kate Hudson to be seriously off-topic and irrelevant here unless we are discussing show-stopping yellow dresses, actresses who date athletes and whether their genitals sup on the players' abilities, or the Please Leave Owen Wilson Alone online fan club

EXHIBIT A: Red Carpet