Fug Lively

I quite liked The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Which makes sense: I love my sisters, I love traveling, and you know how strongly I feel about pants. It had everything. Plus, it was well-acted, I laughed, I cried, and I envied Blake Lively her pretty, pretty spun-gold hair.




I do not, however, envy her wardrobe.

For one thing, her hair needs a good brushing, some roots work, and some anti-frizz, and Blake should never again accept makeup advice from a woman in spandex named Kitten, because Kitten's red lipstick is on her face for a whole different purpose.

Most gravely, though: A girl who starred in a movie about the magic of pants should respect the mighty trouser by pairing it with a shirt that is cute, or at least, that is not this one. The cascade of apples itself, while twee, isn't as off-putting as the enormous shiny belt strapping down her ribs, which not only seems a tad unnecessary -- her ribs aren't going anywhere, at least not until she joins with the rest of Hollywood and gets a few removed -- but also underlines the already somewhat unflattering contours of the shirt itself. Doesn't she look supremely bloated? A touch pregnant, even? And, look, we've all been there -- well, the bloated part, anyway, although there was a woman on I Want To Be A Soap Star who claims she came down with just a very mild and practically nonexistent case of pregnancy; I think I love her -- and we all know that on the days when we're retaining water like it's the best divorce lawyer in town, we should perhaps adjust our wardrobe accordingly.