The Amanda Fug

Dear Amanda Bynes:

Listen, I watched She's The Man. Sure, it was on a plane, but unlike Employee of the Month, it never once tempted me to unlatch the emergency door mid-flight to escape. In fact, I may have recommended it to others, with the old tried and true "hey, it won't make you want to hurtle yourself into space. Plus, Channing Tatum!" You are a cute girl, albeit in an increasing generic Blonde Tan sort of way. And I am not one to find fault with a black minidress.

But your companion here -- let's call her Nearly Headless Nicole -- is wearing what appears to be EVERY SINGLE ITEM from your new clothing line, Bitten. Er, wait. That's SJP's clothing line. From your new clothing line, Dear. Whatever.

NHN also looks like this might be her first month in college and she's had a bit of a run-in with the concept of separating her laundry, thus turning everything this dingy, tragic shade of gray. Girl, that's what happens when the dude you've been hooking up with tosses his black socks into your whites. You need constant vigilance with those guys. You'll also get back to your dorm room and he'll be smearing your toothpaste on a zit and sniffing your underwear. Just so you know.