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So, it turns out Charlize Theron is in Hancock. Are you surprised? I am. From the previews it seems like the movie is just Will Smith flying around and being cranky and doing the smashy-smashy for two hours, with occasional asides from Jason Bateman. (To be honest, though, that's probably enough for me to go see it, because Will Smith's action movies are a guilty pleasure of mine and the brilliant Jason Bateman is a non-guilty pleasure, so that right there is a savvily mixed cocktail of awesome.)

But yes, apparently Charlize -- an Oscar winner, but hey, who cares about stuff like that when Will Smith is wearing tank tops? -- tags along for some of the ride, kind of like making sure there's beer at the party for dudes who don't drink the hard stuff. However, the jury is having a tough time rendering a solid verdict on Ms. Theron's various outfits. That's where you come in, sweet readers.

Let's start with London:

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The defense is busy drooling (just like the guys behind her in the photo), so the prosecution takes this moment to jump in and suggest that one should never stand like that while wearing a dress that's cut so severely, because it makes you look backwards, and as if you have shoulder blades for boobs. Also, her shoe looks a half-size too big, and it's all a little bit The First Lady Attends A State Funeral. The defense chokes back a randy comment about her legs in favor of pointing out that ANYONE showing up at a funeral in a dress cut that high would put the "fun" in "funeral" and should therefore be considered a hero.

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